lilmisschina!

Stop. Look back and up.

A whirlwind the past 2 years have been.
I've seen new people, new countries, new mindsets and new ways to do the very same things.

Learning everyday how to treat people, deal, manage, contribute and grow at the same time.
And now it is soon to say goodbye, pack my bags and leave.

Uncertainty, nerves, fears, doubts are just bubbling up now.
A good time to remember that this entire opportunity is an undeserved grace and if it is meant to happen, it will.

So let go, it was a good run and there's only so much to charge forward to, and with new eyes!

Sapa, Hoi An, London, Amsterdam, Paris all within a year, I couldn't have asked for more.

For now, look up, and thank you.
I need to refill my trust in you and know that I could never be in better hands.

Resolutions

2014:
1. Read a book - done!
2. Attend RCIA - done!
3. USA roadtrip - done!
4. Learn Italian
5. Learn tennis / golf

2015:
1. Take a course (eg. art history, photography, theatre)
2. Volunteer monthly
3. Drop a jeans size by Jun 30
4. Do a home decor project
5. Work on job relocation
6. Travel to 3 new countries including a nature trail

busy busy bee!!

when enough is almost enough

I've been losing steam at work in the past 6months, cutting corners, convincing myself that it is age and comfort was what i was looking for and deserved.
and then going for Catholicism classes gave me the notion that i could just be and that that was lovable, enough in God's eyes, not any materialistic possessions or status to prove to anyone.

but a part of me knew that was a crack somewhere. I was slacking and that was not enough, not enough for me.

And as timely as such things are, as I sit here pondering whether to go the extra mile for work tonight, one click on the internet and the first thing i see is a quote
"Do not grow wearing in well doing for in due season you will reap a harvest". The big dude up there is definitely hinting at something isn't it?
Admittedly, motivation and passion is a beautiful thing to have, but instead of lamenting about my boss, company limitations and environment about the lack of it, what right do I have to demand that it is my birthright to avoid any suffering? Isn't winning about surpassing oneself, defeating our inner darkest weakest selves, and giving our best, precisely when it isn't easy?
The only thing that is enough is the small-mindedness, defensive, judgmental self that easily creeps in at every turn, justifying me to slip back in not giving my all.

so today. i'm putting it down in writing that enough is only enough when i give in and allow it. till then, honour yourself, your parents and i guess god in turn by being everything that you're not.
Be different, be better.

Dear stranger, hello, welcome back and goodbye

Like a worm poking little holes, squirming in thoughts
and whys. You did damage doing nothing at all.

There’s no need to go through our history
to question if it even meant anything.

Excuses have run dry
If this friendship isn’t going two-way, maybe it shouldn’t go on at all

So, welcome back.

I said a little hello to you in my heart

and now it’s time for you to leave that space

so goodbye, and take care.

I could imagine this would make a beautiful wedding song

Adele - Make You Feel My Love

When the rain
Is blowing in your face
And the whole world
Is on your case
I could offer you
A warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows
And the stars appear
And there is no - one there
To dry your tears
I could hold you
For a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you
~~Haven't~~ Have made
Your mind up ~~yet~~
But I he would never
Do you wrong
I've known it
From the moment
That we met
No doubt in my mind
Where you belong

I'd go hungry
I'd go black and blue and
I'd go crawling
Down the avenue
You Know there's nothing
That I wouldn't do
To make you feel my love

The storms are raging
On the rolling sea
And on the highway of regret
The winds of change
Are blowing wild and free
You ain't seen nothing
Like mehim yet

IHe could make you happy
Make your dreams come true
Nothing that I wouldn't do
Go to the ends
Of the Earth for you
To make you feel my love, To make you feel my love

To new beginnings

Many people have asked 'So how's the long distance relationship? Is it tough?'. And I lie, saying that everything is alright, how of course after spending a month there and him being back soon that things are great and peachy. But no one knows how pointless and tiring I think this whole thing is headed to.

Its not about the not meeting or once or twice a year that gets to me. That I can handle. I can take being alone on holidays, birthdays, every social event. But what I can't handle is not knowing if you're even there for me. When I want to talk, when I want to share with you anything, it all depends on the reliability of the WiFi network there, whether you're crazily bogged down by work, or asleep by the time you get home. And I feel like I'm putting on a show for myself, talking to myself to entertain you and pretend that everything is ok. I don't want to kick up a fuss because its tiring to and I don't want to be another burden to you. So whats left?

My only vision of a married couple is that they would still be holding hands with endless conversations between them. And I don't know what that leaves us.

Maybe its time to give myself a Christmas present and bear through this to the next year...