To new beginnings

Many people have asked 'So how's the long distance relationship? Is it tough?'. And I lie, saying that everything is alright, how of course after spending a month there and him being back soon that things are great and peachy. But no one knows how pointless and tiring I think this whole thing is headed to.

Its not about the not meeting or once or twice a year that gets to me. That I can handle. I can take being alone on holidays, birthdays, every social event. But what I can't handle is not knowing if you're even there for me. When I want to talk, when I want to share with you anything, it all depends on the reliability of the WiFi network there, whether you're crazily bogged down by work, or asleep by the time you get home. And I feel like I'm putting on a show for myself, talking to myself to entertain you and pretend that everything is ok. I don't want to kick up a fuss because its tiring to and I don't want to be another burden to you. So whats left?

My only vision of a married couple is that they would still be holding hands with endless conversations between them. And I don't know what that leaves us.

Maybe its time to give myself  a Christmas present and bear through this to the next year...